Asfandyar 'Asfand' Cheema, MKTG, Class of 2021

Asfand, as he is affectionately called, started his story moving around Pakistan.

“I was born in Pakistan, and I grew up for the most part in Pakistan. Because of my dad’s job - he’s in the Pakistani Navy - I had to move around a lot. For the first fourteen years of my schooling, I changed schools eight or nine times, mostly in Pakistan but also briefly in Oman.”

“It’s hard for people to understand what it’s like to move around so much. Most people, especially at Penn, haven’t really experienced that. For me, instability used to bother me quite a lot, particularly when I was younger. My dad was a junior officer then, and junior officers are expected to move around a lot more than senior officers are.” For Asfand, this meant a unique view on belonging and adaptability.

“The one thing I never truly understood was the concept of belonging to a place, of being in touch with your roots. When I would move to a city, I would easily find a group of friends and would hit it off with them fast. We’d be good friends, but at the same time I’d be hypercognizant that they’d known each other for the past five or six years and had shared experiences that I wasn’t a part of. I feel like that’s one thing that’s been a factor in nearly all of my friendships. Thankfully, I’ve been able to adapt - I recognise that each place I’m in is temporary, and I’ve developed adaptability through it. But that doesn’t always make up for the lack of belonging.”

“It’s a lack of a home base - not just a physical home, but a home base with constant friends, family. We weren’t in touch with most of my extended family either, because they’re mostly in Punjab, and we were moving around. That shaped most of my childhood experiences, and is another reason I picked up hobbies like photography and reading. They provided a sense of permanence that others couldn’t.”

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When asked about his childhood, Asfand looks back with an almost studied, reflective view.

“I definitely had a happening childhood. I feel I had a happy childhood. I had a lot of different experiences, and while I didn’t have permanence, I did meet a lot of different people. When we lived in Oman, my dad was the Defence Attaché, so we met the Omani elite class and I got a better understanding of what it means to move in those circles. At the same time, we come from a village in Pakistan - like mud houses -  so I also know what it feels like to interact with those people and live in those conditions. It’s been a learning experience from the start, and I got over this initial feeling of resentment in the first or second grade and from then on saw everything as a learning experience.”

“It was a happy childhood. I don’t think there was ever a point where I felt an immense amount of sadness or grief. I never felt like things weren’t going the way they were supposed to, or that I was not happy.”

“Whenever we would move, we would always move into a new military house, and at times that house would just be a single room. When we moved from Islamabad to Karachi, we lived in one room for a whole year - my sister, me, and both my parents. Sure, the room was bigger than your average room, but again it was one room, and an attached bathroom, and that was it. We didn’t have a kitchen, so all our food would come from a military boardroom.”

“When we moved from Karachi to Oman, we moved into a huge mansion and had seven rooms, two drawing rooms, two lounges, two kitchens - it was basically a mansion. So as far as home is concerned, it was always physically changing - one day it was a single room, the next it was a mansion. That’s why, when I think of home, I don’t necessarily think of a physical location. Home was my family, friends I stay in touch with, especially after facebook. Home was them, through social media, home was books, and home was religion.”

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Home being associated with religion was a concept that developed throughout Asfand’s life, from his childhood all the way up to his interactions with Muslim Life today.

“Home was religion, especially towards the fourth grade onwards, when I started actively thinking about religion instead of just doing what I was told to do. I think the major shifting point was when I started fasting regularly; that really put me in touch with my religion.”

“When I was a kid, my mom never told me I was Sunni or anything like that. But when we started moving around, I met people of different sects. My first interactions with Shias was in the second grade. I was with my friends and they said XYZ is Shia, and I asked what that meant. They stared at me as if I was supposed to know. I went home that day and asked my mom, and she told me that we belong to the Sunni sect, and that there is the Shia sect, and she also told me it doesn't really matter as long as you’re a good Muslim. It was only after having a couple conversations with other people that I realised it was something of a big deal in Pakistan, that every other kid knew about it except me because my parents never thought it was something that had to be discussed.”

“My dad, due to the nature of his job, wasn’t always there, especially after things started getting tense following a heavy wave of terrorism in Pakistan. When we moved to Karachi a few months after the naval base was attacked, he was appointed as the CO of the base, and so things were very tense. He would leave for the office early in the morning, he would have to go in civilian clothing as naval officers were being attacked, and come back at 5 or 6 pm. But then he’d go again at 10pm, and come back late. He always had a communication device with him, always on his side table, switching between channels to make sure everything was okay. 

His profession did affect our relationship a bit, but it would be unfair of me to blame him for that. My mom really stepped in when my sister was in second grade; she used to be a teacher but she stepped in because she felt that we needed more attention. She made up for my dad not being there for a bit and made sure we always had someone taking care of us. She wanted to be there for us each day. A lot of people might assume that our relationships should have been rocky, but I mostly felt they were great and normal and I don’t think I missed out on anything I should have had.”

“Being born in a majority-Muslim country, Islam was always there and I never actively thought about it because I didn't know anything else. It was a constant, and I was Muslim by birth without much thought. When we started moving around outside Pakistan, like when I went to the UK in the second grade, that's when I realised there were other religions. Through school, through TV, I realised there were other religions and beliefs. That’s when I actively started thinking about being a  Muslim and the things that I do and my family does and whether or not I totally believe that this is the right religion. There was this one phase, two or three years, where I did a lot of research, which was when I realised this was the true religion but also when I realised that a lot of people believe in Islam just because their family believes in it. This was when I developed the belief that if you want to be Muslim you have to actively choose it, based on your readings and understanding, rather than just because it’s what you were brought up with.”

“In Pakistan, there’s a phenomenon of sending kids to make sure they have read the Quran, but they never truly understand what they’re reading because they can’t understand Arabic. The parents don’t focus on translations. I think my parents understood that, which is why they got me a Quran with Arabic on one side and English on the other. I still don’t think that’s enough, but it’s a start because at least you know what you’re reading and can understand it. That definitely played a huge part in it.”

“When we moved to the Middle East, we went on umrah our first year there, and on hajj our second year there. My dad wanted us to go for hajj off the bat, but our mum suggested we start with umrah to ease ourselves in and get a feel for it first. I think, with the benefit of hindsight, that that was the better decision because going for umrah wasn’t like anything I've ever done before. I didn't have any idea of what it would be like. It was a difficult experience, particularly because it was Ramadan and we were fasting.”

“Before we went for Hajj, we definitely knew what to expect and had an understanding that it wouldn’t be easy. I don't think it would have been as amazing an experience if we hadn’t gone for umrah first.”

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Upon being asked about his time at Penn, Asfand looks down quietly. It is easy to see him organising his many thoughts on the matter.

“When I was deciding which college to go to, Penn wasn’t my first choice. I wanted to go to Williams because I wanted to focus more on the education than the name of the school. But then my mom did a bit of research and said that Penn made more sense given its size and told me to do some more research for myself.”

“When I looked at it, I found that Penn had a substantial Muslim population that you wouldn't find at a school like Williams. I think going through the website, going through the MSA website, looking at MLP and seeing all the amazing things they were doing - and knowing there was a place dedicated for Muslims at the college - I think that was a huge motivating factor for me to come to Penn.”

Asked to elaborate, Asfand shares how he found home with MLP.

“I think, while it is easy for me to adapt, having the Muslim Life Program definitely made things super easy. Looking at me, I come from a majority Muslim country, so it’s relatively easy to relate to the people around me, especially as they have a similar culture too. Coming to a diverse place like Penn, where perhaps it’s a little harder to relate, religion is a huge uniting factor and if the Muslim Life Program wasn’t there, if we didn’t have a Muslim Chaplain, if we didn’t have a space like the CA or SPARC, I think it wouldn’t have been easy for me to connect to the Muslim population on campus. I think that’s true for most Muslims on campus, because while we share this Muslim identity, if we didn’t have a common space, we might not have connected. MLP united us.”

“I don’t remember the last time I consecutively went to Jummah because of safety concerns, and because I would prefer to pray on my own. At Penn, with this community around us, with this supportive network, you feel more inclined to join in because the social aspect makes it easier. I think the best part of Muslims on campus and having a space like the CA is that it’s a completely judgement-free zone.”

“I've met a lot of Muslims who think they're not ‘Muslim enough’ to come to Jummah or other Muslim events, but having this space makes it easier for them to be involved. It wouldn’t have been as easy if the space didn’t exist.”

“Even socially, with finals season, it’s really nice to see that you’re not alone and you can always go to the CA and there’s always a network of really supportive people who are there for you no matter what you’re going through. 

“This Ramadan was the first Ramadan I’ve spent away from my family, and if we didn’t have MLP, and this space, we probably wouldn’t have had all of these iftars on campus. The most important part of this for me - something I've also discussed with my roommate Shehryar - is how Ramadan brings people together. The community building aspect is something I feared I would miss out on, because my family isn’t here, because I’m not in Pakistan, but I saw that we were doing daily iftars, even during finals.”

“I truly appreciate that this exists and that we had the opportunity to come together and break our fasts, the opportunity to have suhoor together. I don't think we could have done something at this scale without MLP.”

“I think the one thing that MLP did for me is that it provided stability during my time at Penn. If I were to think of physical spaces on campus that I consider home, the MLP space at the CA would be one of the main ones. Whenever I would walk into the CA, I would go the third floor, I don't remember a single moment when there weren't three other people who would say salaam and ask how my day was. It’s the little things - it made me feel like I finally had the home base I had been missing my whole life.”

“Whenever I would walk into the CA, I would go the third floor, I don't remember a single moment when there weren't three other people who would say salaam and ask how my day was. It’s the little things - it made me feel like I finally had the home base I had been missing my whole life.”