Kamal Suleiman
Kamal’s Story
“My family moved to the UAE when I was 6 months old. For me growing up in the UAE was an interesting balance of muslim culture and westernization and globalization. I was surrounded by mosques everywhere and Muslims were all over the place, but at the same time also Dubai is kind of like Las Vegas. And I went to a British school where there weren't a lot of muslims.”
“Since moving back to America I’ve only ever been a part of really small Muslim communities where they were constantly just looking for a masjid or a space for us. I was always one of the few Muslim kids in school and I think that orientation from Dubai was important for me because I might have felt very distant from the religion otherwise”
“I never had an overbearing feeling of Islam. I always identified myself as muslim; just because there were no other kids around didn’t mean I shouldn’t be open about it. I would openly talk about being Muslim and going to Sunday school. It was totally normal that other people weren’t Muslim, but I’m Muslim and I participte in Muslim stuff and that’s me.”
“While I was comfortable with Islam, I wasn’t super knowledgeable. I don’t know what caused my sisters to start caring about their faith more but that had a really big effect on me. They would drag me to classes and make me watch videos online, they got really into it and I wasn’t at first. But eventually overtime, I became interested and it became my own thing”
“I went to a Somali Quran memorization school for three years and that was a big thing for me, not even Islamically, it was more of a cultural experience for me. Being half-Somali half-white was always a difficult experience for me. But it introduced me to the Somali community in Minnesota which was really big for me. Being able to claim my identity as a Muslim and Somali was cool.”
“Sometimes people made weird comments, they noticed I was different and wanted to make fun of me. But I never cared very much. I was taught to expect that. My dad told me kids will say stuff but that it has no meaning and I shouldn’t assign value to it. When kids would tell me that I wouldn't be accepted in the Somali community because I was half-white, I thought it was just silly. When they treated me differently, it didn't make me feel inferior, just sensitive with addressing issues in the Somali community, because I realized I’m different and I have different experiences from everyone else so I have to be careful of speaking on their behalf, even though I do want to give back to my community”
“Penn is a place where people are constantly competing with you and trying to show you up, and I came into college with the mentality that if I was not at the top then there was no point in trying because that was the only goal. I was horrified going into chemistry, I wasn’t good at it and I knew everyone would be better than me and I knew the material would be way over my head. And I was very susceptible to the competitive culture and when people would show me up in class I would internalize it.”
“In high school, the whole reward of doing well in school was being able to tell myself ‘I am one of the smartest kids in this building’ - which is very arrogant. That’s why I used to complain that I got a 98% on an exam, not because I was actually sad but because I wanted to feel dominant. And thinking that way coming into Penn was really poisonous for me because you can’t have that mindset here, that the only reason for doing things is to be better than other people.”
“So when I got to Penn and had a difficult time in my classes, rather than thinking about how to do as best as possible or how to salvage things, I realized how out of reach being the best was and I completely gave up. And that’s because I came in with the expectation that I had to be the best of the best, which is very toxic and arrogant and a lesson that I had to learn.”
“I learned that in order to succeed here I had to abandon the comparative mindset. It’s just me and the material and my goals and nothing else matters. And when people try to make me feel bad, it’s also coming from a place of insecurity for them too. So, I learned to focus on myself”
“What actually matters is what it is that you’re actually doing. I started to ask myself ‘Do I actually care about the goal that I’m trying to reach?’ ‘Am I doing my best to reach that goal?’ And that’s as far as that should go for you. What other people are doing has nothing to do with it. If you’re very talented in a field and you’re crushing it, you shouldnt be happy because you’re better, you should be happy because you have a goal and a priority and you’re doing it. So for me, it became important to try and find a career and things that I actually care about and not get clouded by that comparative mindset. Now I know to just focus on myself and my goals and what I’m doing to get there without comparing myself to others.”
“Since coming to Penn my relationship with Islam changed for the better. I think struggling was very important for me, getting broken and having conceptions of myself and the world broken down. It was then I realized what Islam answers for me and what Islam gives me which is realizing that the feelings I’m chasing in life aren’t extravagence or success in material things. Peace is the only thing that’s going to get me through. The idea of trusting that there’s a plan, even if it’s one I don’t like. There’s a lesson there that we’re supposed to learn and it was worth it. Those are huge life lessons that coming to Penn nailed home for me”
“MLP forms the pillars of my week, for sure. Quran circle, Ummatea, tajweed class, the halaqas I’m able to attend. That’s where I get the perspective back. It takes five seconds to lose that perspective of looking at my life for the larger picture rather the events that are happening right now.”
“Being able to come to the CA (MLP home) and have conversations with people like Patty reorients me. Patty doesn’t ask you about your grades- she asks you about your life. And that’s what conversations in the CA are about. You get to connect with people and get that perspective or reminder about your purpose in life. ”
“It’s hard to pin down just one special moment with Muslim Life because that’s every moment there. It’s like a montage in my head of late night convos, eating food, sitting in halaqas, reading Quran, doing homework, writing essays, calling my mom. It’s a big playreel. It can’t be one particular moment because it’s such a consistently positive place for me.”